so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
