I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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