the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
