I accidentally had phone sex last night
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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