you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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