I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
