Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
