I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
