I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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