Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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