i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize