he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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