No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
