i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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