some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
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It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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