you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
