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I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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