I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is it penis luge time yet?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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