I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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