totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
