Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
