I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
