Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
