I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
