Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
