plz talk dirty to me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
