dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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