I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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