Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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