Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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