he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just gargled with NyQuil
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
