Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
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Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
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I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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