my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Are my feet made of real feet?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize