Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
