No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
