She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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