Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
