my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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