why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
