At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
