Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Randomize
