this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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