playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
