How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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