Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
