Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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