we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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