i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Come on in and take your pants off
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