My brain says no but my pants say off.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
