Whod you bang
I want to walk on stilts...naked
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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