I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
