Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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