he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
