I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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