do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
