I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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