My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
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