Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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