Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
