It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
